I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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