you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
