you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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