Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's like heaven, but drunker
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
