And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
