Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
