just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
