1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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