i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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