and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
