you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
