it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
what day is it and did you see me today?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
