Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
