I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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