Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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