i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
