Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
