DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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