this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
