how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
