everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
