My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
