Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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