dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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