escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
soo... how was my night?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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