I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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