I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
