And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
