he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
