Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
