I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
