He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
