Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think I am morally bankrupt
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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