Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
