Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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