great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I love you.
Bad choice
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
