That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
