Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We have started to decorate penises.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
