My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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