I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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