I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
