worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
