He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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