God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Bring me that man meat
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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