i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
