i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
