Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
