This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
