R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
