According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
