we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
