Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
