I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
