I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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