I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sobbing to NWA
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
